Copyright ©2019 - Carlyle Fielding Stewart, III, All Rights Reserved.
May 2019 24

A Funny Thing Happened At The Restaurant

Posted in Absurdities, Frivolities, and Inanities, America, Americans, Articles, Big Business, Great Souls, Laughing Out Loud, Stories

Many people were thoroughly upset at the news blaring from the big screen in McHickey’s Restaurant the day Mueller reported there would be no  further indictments of President Donald Trump and his associates.

But nobody read the report except the Attorney General and key DOJ officials which is why House Judiciary Committee members will soon issue a subpoena for the full un-redacted report of Mueller’s findings which also means that everybody needs to just calm down. It’s been well over two months since Papa Bear General issued his redacted “no honey for the bears” report to the kiddy cubs in Congress.

Since Mueller revealed the president committed no collusion, and no further indictments would be forthcoming, many people in the restaurant began balling and boohooing all over the place with ribald hysteria when the “fake” news broke, and its reverberating tremors slightly muted the crescendoed sounds of clanging dishes and silverware crashing to the floor.

One bug-eyed, beefy, chunky man in a fit of anger, hurled a giant sized doughnut toward me across the room which I tried to leap and catch with one hand, but intercepted by an old man in a John Deere hat, who came from out of nowhere, and snatched the pastry over-the-shoulder mid air like Willie Mays or Mike Trout chasing down a lined shot toward the warning track in deep center-field.

It was then that the furies of foul transformed into shouts of joy when people in the restaurant while having their attention momentarily diverted from the bad news on the TV, cheered the old man as he victoriously stomped his brogan boots on the tarmac, excuse me, the floor, took a vicious bite out of the partially crusted “critter” and spiked its frosty remains on the table of a nearby booth.

Suddenly another wag sprung out of his seat like a jack in the box shouting, “Touch down, touch down,” to the old doughnut interceptor-intervener, and then screamed, “You re’ out at first,” to President Trump whose smiling face suddenly flashed on the big screen, while I, the only brown-colored person in the restaurant, wolfed down the last fork of some real precious pecan pie.

“Everything will be alright,”said one real, real, real short man with a baseball cap and overalls on, climbing on a rocking looking chair, yanking the shoulder straps on his pants fittin’na launch into a inherit the wind and reap the whirlwind speech ala Henry Drummond on the “courthouse”floor of the restaurant.

“Friends, neighbors and country people, this ain’t over. We ain’t done. We didn’t come this far for our politicians to hijack our democracy and bushwhack our people. Justice will have the last word.  And don’t think for one black second that our institutions will fail us. Just cause Mueller said he couldn’t find no evidence to indict the president don’t mean that it’s still not Mueller Time in America, and that we ain’t never gonna get another cold beer here in this country. God will have the final word. Speaking of word, let me briefly share this text with y’all this morning.”

“Never fear anything. Trust God always. Sometimes you eats the bear and sometimes the bear eats you. Trust in the Lord always. Sometimes you the pigeon and other times you the statue. Just don’t give up on your country. Don’t give up on your gov’ment. Don’t give up on God. Remember this saying, which is something that Abraham, Benjamin, Jesse and John the Founding Fathers maybe said or should have said when they was fighting it out over the Constitution all them hot, grimy days in Philadelphia: “Stay Woke. Keep cool and never give up.” And never ever take your eyes off these folks. They thinks they slick but they not. You watch what I am saying, it’s gonna take more than a husky linebacker and a few foul fly balls to stop us. God help us all as the clock ticks down toward the two minute warning in our country.”

The short man climbed down from the chair, sat down and commenced to eating his remaining three doughnuts, minus one, which somebody borrowed while he was preaching.

So much for the sports illustrations. The people cheered the short man as they high-fived each other.

I felt good too, and cheerfully offered my remaining half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich to the hungry man next to me who kept staring into my plate.

Richard Delano Haney was right. It ain’t over till it’s over. So everybody just sit tight, get to work and let the process roll toward justice. America still has a soul despite what some people try to make other people feel and think. Some people still believe in America. America is a good country and still basically good to its core. We still want the best for everybody in this country. We still believe that our leaders and the people will get our country back on the right track but we must fight for what we believe. We can’t leave our politics only to the politicians. Justice must be done and will be done “on earth as it is in heaven.”

So stay woke. Keep Cool. Never give up and watch out for the doughnuts that might be flying in your direction.

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Copyright ©2019 - Carlyle Fielding Stewart, III, All Rights Reserved.